


Feels Like Home

by PunkPhantomTwin



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: 10 chapters at most, Alternate Universe, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Getting Help, Limited Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Meet-Cute, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, more fluff than angst I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkPhantomTwin/pseuds/PunkPhantomTwin
Summary: Evan Hansen finds a boy passed out on the side of the road, obviously running from something. Watching after him for "a few days" turns into longer than he anticipated, but he's not complaining. After all, he never expected to fall for his new roommate.





	1. Finding Home

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever slow burn fic. This was originally going to be just smut with all of the slow burn as exposition... but then this happened. I've started things like this before that haven't been finished but now I have an idea of what the middle and end are going to be, unlike before.
> 
> I intend to update it regularly (hopefully) and appreciate feedback very much! The lovely comments on my last DEH fic inspired me to do more for the fandom.
> 
> I have a tumblr now, punkphantomtwin, if you want to come interact as I write this/drabbles/other fics
> 
> Not beta read.

Evan had found him on the side of the road, collapsed 5 miles from the nearest bus stop in the dark. His long hair was flushed to his forehead, his skin sickly pale, wrapped in a black jacket that had seen better days. He couldn’t tell how long he had been there, barely even able to make out his figure from his headlights, but he couldn’t leave him there. He just couldn’t.

He probably should’ve brought the boy to a hospital or shelter, and he almost did, but his wallet had fallen out when he was maneuvering him into his car, with more difficulty than he thought, and he had seen the boy’s ID. 17 years old. The same age as him. And he knew one thing from the looks of this boy.

He was running from something.

If Evan took him anywhere they would look him up and most likely put him back in the hands of what he was running from.

Evan couldn’t live with that.

So he took him home, to his small apartment nearby, heaving him up the stairs in around ten minutes time which he considered a raging success, though he almost broke his arm when the boy started slipping and he reached to stop him, twisting his arm strangely.

It wasn’t much later when he lifted him onto his couch, closing the door behind him as he wiped the sweat from his burning face, sliding down to the floor as he sighed.

Connor Murphy. That’s what his ID had said. He glanced over at him, arms hanging off the couch limply.

Evan jumped up from his spot and ran to him, placing his fingers to his neck in a rush. He had taken him all the way home and had forgotten to check for a pulse. He silently chastised himself until he felt a faint rhythmic thud, sighing in relief.

“Okay,” He said, mostly to himself. “I need to get you some water.”

He went to grab some from the tap, slipping some ice cubes into it before coming back, his head cocking to the side. He probably shouldn’t try to choke him with water. Evan sat it down on the coffee table and rubbed his hands on his pants, debating what to do. Finally, he settled on writing a note and leaving it out, in case Connor woke up when he was asleep. Or even woke up at all.

* * *

 

Connor Murphy’s eyes jerked open, unable to see from the purple circles dotting his vision as he blinked multiple times. The ground felt softer than he thought it would have.

He sprang up, holding his pounding head as he realized he was in a living room. His breathing deepened, panicking as his nails dug into his legs, going to stand but finding he couldn’t, his legs unable to move from exhaustion.

He finally spotted a note nearby, a glass of water next to it. Connor was hesitant about the drink but reached for the note.

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_If you read this then you woke up! And I wasn’t here but don’t worry, I’m not some weirdo who’s going to do anything. I would’ve taken you to the hospital but I was afraid you ~~were running from~~ would be uncomfortable there. Make sure to drink plenty of water and I’ll be up around 6 to check up on you._

_Sincerely ~~Evan Hansen~~_

_Me_

Connor cocked his head to the side, finally taking in his surroundings. The living room was simple enough, though he spotted many house plants sprinkled around, and there was no television. He could see a bit into the kitchen, which seemed small but he assumed who ever this guy was he lived alone. The time on the microwave read around 5am so he knew soon he would meet his… savior? He wasn’t sure yet.

He took the time to drink the water, thank god it his throat was dry, and just think about what to do next. This person would obviously want something in return for his hospitality, but Connor had nothing, Not anymore.

He had run away from home with nothing but the clothes on his back and $200 in his wallet that he had swiped from his mom. It had gotten him across two states before he had to continue on foot, taking him about three weeks to the point where he had just collapsed on the side of the road, unable to flag anyone down to help him along. But what did he expect? To run away into the arms of someone who cared about him?

His arm stretched up, back popping as he groaned, finding a spot to stare at the ceiling, awaiting whatever his fate was going to be. He couldn’t go back home, not to them. And he didn’t have any money left to go any farther or even find a place. His heart started racing.

What if they sent him back home? What if they brought him themselves, right to his parents? His nails dug into his arm, his breathing deepening. He couldn’t let that happen.

Jerking up, Connor leant over to stand up, his legs burning as they began supporting his weight, arms pushing on the side of the couch. He bit his lip to keep from crying out, but he couldn’t take one step without falling flat on his face, screeching as he went down.

_Good job Connor,_ he silently berated himself. _You’re gonna get your ass hauled back to that shithole and be stuck there forever. Should’ve just ki_ —

“Ohmygod are you okay?!” A voice wheezed behind him, having apparently sprinted to him as callused hands wrapped around his waist, yanking him up with a hefty groan, Connor just hanging in his grasp.

Once he was placed back on the couch, rather gently considering how much the guy had been struggling with his weight, the hands were cupping his cheeks, staring into his unfocused eyes.

But they were focused now. This guy couldn’t have been much older than Connor, wide cheeks with drool drying down the side of his chubby face, his hair flushed against his head as it stuck out at weird angles. And he… was saying something.

“Connor?” His head jerked, grabbing at his wrists to pull them back as he gave him an anxious glance.

“W-who are you?! How do you know my fucking name-?”

His hands balled into fists as Connor’s grip tightened on his wrists, Connor flinching at the sight.

“I-I’m sorry, it’s just, y’know, your wallet had your name, and I wasn’t, I didn’t steal anything! It just fell out, I promise. You have nothing to be scared of, I promise.” His hands eased up, eyes softening as he watched Connor. “My name is Evan.”

Connor’s grip eased up, letting Evan slip out of his grasp warily. “Why?”

Evan blinked.

“I mean my mom gave me that name so-“

“God, no!” Evan recoiled a bit, his hands playing with the hem of his nightshirt. Connor gave an apologetic look, raising his hands defensively. “I meant why did you… why am I here?”

His head tilted in confusion. “I couldn’t just leave you passed out on the side of the road! You could’ve died!”

“Well you seem to be the only one who thought so,” Connor said bitterly, recalling all of the cars he had tried to hail down before his inevitable fall.

“Do you… want to go to the hospital?”

“No!” Connor’s head jerked back, rubbing his eyes in frustration as Evan just stood, observing him. “I mean, I can get out of your hair but I’m not going to the hospital. I just need, I dunno, a bit to get myself together.”

“You don’t have to! Leave I mean,” Evan winced at his own outburst, sitting himself down at the other side of the couch. “You’re not bothering me if you stay here for a few days. If you don’t have anywhere to go?”

_I don’t,_ he wanted to say. _Who would take me? Why would you?_

“I don’t need you to take care of me,” Connor said. “I don’t need anyone.”

It was a lie.

“Well… maybe I need someone!” Connor’s eyes widened as Evan gripped his own knee tight, palms sweating up a storm as he looked the most confident Connor had seen him in the five minutes he had known him, which still wasn’t very confident to be honest. “I don’t have anyone here and maybe I need the company for a few days.”

He looked desperate to make sure Connor wouldn’t leave, desperate to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt again.

Connor took a deep breath. “A few days, huh?”


	2. Becoming Acquainted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has been staying with Evan longer than he anticipated, but what happens when he meets one of Evan's friends? Who is also kind of a total asshole?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had the whole fic planned out and have tried writing this chapter soooo many times but my life just became a trainwreck every time I tried! So here I am again! Planning to update more frequently as I have slightly more time so please let me know what you think!
> 
> Short-ish chapter so I could introduce Jared and also things are starting to happen!
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and lovely comments! 
> 
> Tumblr is punkphantomtwin

_“How many plants do you need?_ ” Connor asked accusingly from his place on Evan’s couch, gesturing to the small cactus plant in Evan’s hands as he entered the apartment.

Evan pursed his lips, glancing down at the offending plant. “The spider plant needed a friend and I will not apologize for that.”

Connor scoffed but waited until Evan was across the room by the kitchen, placing the plant in the window before speaking again. “You work at Pottery Barn, man. You can’t just spend every paycheck on another plant.”

“Shh, don’t listen to the bad man,” Evan whispered to his plants, glaring over at Connor whose eyebrow was lifted almost as much as his smirk was now. “He’s just upset you guys have all my attention.”

Shaking his head, Connor leaned back and stretched out before standing. “Do you need help with the groceries?”

A few days had turned into a few weeks for the two, Connor settling himself into the guest room, stealing clothes Evan sometimes as he still didn’t have any. Of course they didn’t fit him and were mostly just different versions of blue shirts, but Connor didn’t care. He would rather just invade Evan’s closet instead of asking Evan to buy him a bigger wardrobe, neither seeming to mind. Connor had spent the day looking for places to live on Evan’s laptop, but he couldn’t find anything he liked. He couldn’t find anywhere close to Evan.

They had gotten used to not seeing each other in the mornings, Evan getting up at 5am so he could get himself ready, grab breakfast, and head across town to the Pottery Barn, leaving the other man to usually wake up to a “Dear Connor Murphy” note on the table. He had gone through the cabinets looking for something to eat but didn’t find anything remotely edible. Evan was surviving on chips and bologna sandwiches? That would not do at all!

He had convinced Evan to grab a few more groceries on his next shopping adventure, which he had just returned from, so Connor could cook an actual meal for him. The groceries the two were currently hefting up the stairs because two trips were for wimps… and they were too tired to go back down to get anything else. After a few grunts and only dropping the pasta once, they set everything down in the kitchen, Connor immediately going through the bags.

“So what did you do today?” They both knew that Connor had been looking for places to move out, but Evan had long stopped asking about it specifically. That would make it seem real and neither actually wanted him to move out.

“Y’know, existed, played Snake on your laptop…” He trailed off as he started to sort the food, leaving out what he would need along with the cutting board he had insisted Evan get.

“Wait, Snake is on there? Where?!” He practically ran to his laptop where it had remained open, scrolling through his programs as Connor let out a bark of laughter.

“It’s on the internet, moron,” He said affectionately as Evan’s shoulders sagged.

“Oh… Yeah, that makes sense.” Sighing loudly, he shut his laptop and moved it aside, stretching out to pop his shoulders as he announced, “I’m gonna take a shower while you start on dinner, ‘kay?”

“Okay, see you in a bit.”

Connor’s mind drowned out his thoughts as he got everything together, calming any anxious thoughts he may have been having as he chopped up what he needed. He wasn’t sure how long he had been at it, though he knew he was almost finished, when he heard a knock on the door.

His entire body jerked, not a good reaction when holding a knife, before slowly making his way to the door. What if it was his parents? Or his sister? Would they just grab him and drag him home kicking and screaming? How would they even had found him? Did Evan find them? Was he trying to get rid of him-?

Another sharp knock followed by “Evan Hansen open this door right now or I will not give you this cake!” A voice he didn’t recognize.

Sighing, he reached out and opened the door, a smaller man with wide glasses on the other side eyeing him warily.

“Are you gonna kill me or something?”

He blinked, the man gesturing to the knife he was still holding. “Thinking about it.”

He just nodded, showing Connor the store-bought cake in his hands, the backpack straps sliding down his shoulders a bit as he tried to adjust them with his hands full. “So, can I come in?”

“Hey Jared!” Evan entered the room, flashing a smile between the two as he dried his hair off with a towel, eyes drifting down to the cake his apparent friend was holding. “Come on in!”

Jared moved around Connor, his backpack and the cake sliding down to the couch before he turned to the other two. “You probably should’ve warned your fuckbuddy that I was coming Evan.”

A range of emotions too vile for Evan framed across Connor’s face then, the other man’s face burning in embarrassment.

“What the fuck kind of right do you have to assume things like that, you egotistical fuck-!“ Evan ran in front of the taller man spewing insults, grasping the knife that was dangerously becoming more directed at one of his only friends, unable to make any sounds other than random sputtering.

“Well you’re obviously not his boyfriend or you would have known about me you tall emo piece of-!”

“Jared!”

The two both turned to Evan then, eyes bugging out of his head, breathing short, face become a dark red, a silent truce seemingly coming between them as they led Evan to the couch, Jared running to grab him some water from the kitchen. Once the three were more calmed down, Connor rubbing his shoulder soothingly as Jared’s hand sat on his knee, Jared spoke again.

“So this is your roommate.”

Evan nodded.

“I’m Jared.”

Connor looked at him warily but relented.

“Connor.”

They both nodded at each other as Evan seemed to become more at ease with their meeting. But the silence stretching on now was deafening.

“So, um, how did you guys become friends?” Connor asked awkwardly. He was shit at small talk.

“School. I come over with food to visit and he helps me with my homework.”

Connor’s brow furrowed and for the first time since he had come here he wondered why Evan wasn’t in school. Of course Connor had run away but there was no way Evan would. At least not close enough to be found by former classmates. And wasn’t he the same age as Connor? If they were all 17 why was Evan not going to school and living alone in some apartment? Should he push and ask? Or would Evan be upset and kick him out.

“-alright except for the spacing out thing-“

“Hm?”

“Exactly.” Jared smirked. “Do you have a job?”

“No, I’m looking for a place right now.” Jared snorted, glancing between Connor and his hand still rubbing Evan’s shoulder. “What’s so funny?” He asked threateningly.

“Why don’t you just get a job and stay with Evan? Help out with bills and stuff? Seems way easier.”

Evan turned to him as if this had not occurred to him. “I-I mean, if you want to, wouldn’t mind, it’d be nice, a roommate is cool-“

“If,” Connor interrupted, “If you’re okay with having me around then… I’d like that.”

“W-Well how am I going to eat healthier without you around?”

“Pshh,” Jared shook his head and stood, turning toward the kitchen. “Speaking of, when is dinner ready?”


	3. Alana's Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor are out preparing for Connor's job interview when they run into Evan's friend Alana, someone Connor isn't sure what to think about. Will she reveal things Connor didn't know about his roommate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for Alana? I'm excited to put Alana and Jared as important factors in this story, along with their anxiety. Let me know what you think, I absolutely love comments <3
> 
> Also you've probably noticed that this story is jumping through time a bit, it's going to keep happening. And next chapter we're moving into the M rating!

The spare room had become Connor’s room over the next week, Jared bringing by stuff his mom had left in the attic to help make it more homely, thought it was still mostly just a bed and a dresser. Instead of buying another plant for the apartment, god forbid, the two boys had gone shopping for clothes with Evan’s next paycheck. For Connor’s interview.

“What do you think of this?” Evan held up a bright blue plaid button up shirt with a wide smile.

“Uh, Evan, I think that’s more your style,” Connor gave a small chuckle and turned around to look at the darker tops behind him, running his hand over them hearing Evan sigh behind him. His hand lingered on a black top with white stripes down the side, remembering he saw a leather jacket at Evan’s that would go with it pretty well. “Hey, I’m gonna try this on,” he showed it to Evan who nodded eagerly.

He had just gotten the top over his head in the dressing room when he heard the most enthusiastic voice he had ever heard out of someone who was not his mother.

“Evan?! Hey Evan!”

“A-Alana?”

He opened the door to the dressing room to find a beautiful dark-skinned girl wrapping her arms around Evan, who looked very startled but not uncomfortable by the sudden hug. Connor opened his mouth to say something but the girl, Alana, was already talking speedily at Evan.

“I haven’t seen you in almost a month, well I’d say about a month, since I ran into you at the bake sale over at the school, which I hope you liked the brownies for because I tried really hard to make them good and I didn’t sell as many as I wanted to but I’m sure it’s just because-“ She cut off as she noticed Evan’s eyes travelling over her shoulder, looking at Connor. Her eyes widened as she turned, looking him up and down as if trying to recognize him. Suddenly she speed walked right over to him and stuck out her hand. “You must be Evan’s roommate! Jared told me about you! Connor right?”

Hesitantly, he reached out and shook her hand, Evan coming up slowly behind her to look between them. “Uh, Alana-“

“So why are you guys out here today? Seems like a weird place for a d-!”

“Shopping!” Evan’s face was red again, Connor smiling softly at it as his hand fell back to his side. It was cute.

Wait, what?

“Connor’s got an interview at that old orchard tomorrow so w-we’re out getting him something nice, interview uh clothes, since he, uh-“

“Dresses like a slob?” Connor supplied.

“I didn’t mean, you know, Connor-“ Evan sputtered out but Connor just laughed, placing his hand on the shorter man’s shoulder.

“All I wear are your clothes Evan, I’m just messing with you.”

Alana’s eyes lit up.

“So are you getting that top?” She tilted her head to the side, placing her finger on her chin. “I like it! You’ll definitely get the job in that!”

“I think so too,” Evan nodded in agreement.

“So I think that’s a yes?” Connor looked between them expectantly, Evan nodding immediately.

“Well how about I buy you boys something at the food court?”

* * *

 

“-so the project turned out really well, all thanks to me, and surprisingly Jared’s notes. So how did you guys end up being roommates?”

Connor almost choked on his fry, the sudden change of focus startling him as he expected Alana to keep talking about school.

“Oh, uh, we met on the road, um and he needed, um I wanted some company, so here we are,” He ran his hands on his jeans, becoming more sweaty as he didn’t want to reveal more than Connor was comfortable. Alana accepted that.

“How do you know Evan?” Connor asked, munching again contently.

“We went to school together! From kindergarten all the way to this past year when Evan dropped out.”

Connor coughed loudly, Alana’s phone ringing suddenly as Evan’s head hit the table.

“Oh damn, I’ve got to get going. It was nice to meet you! See you guys again soon!” She ran out, clutching her purse tightly as she waved goodbye to the two.

Connor watched the back of Evan’s head, only able to see his darkening ears. “Uh, you don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to,” He said nonchalantly, trying to act like he didn’t care either way. But he wanted to know, he so wanted to know.

After a bit, Evan raised his head barely and shook his head, trying to compose himself enough to tell Connor about what had led him to being where he was now.

“I want to tell you, I do, it’s just…” He took a deep breath, Connor getting ready to tell him to forget about it when he burst out, “My mom died this summer.”

Connor’s eyes softened, brows furrowing as he placed a hand on Evan’s back, rubbing soothingly.

“She, uh, got in a car crash one night. I was waiting at home for our taco night and I got a call…” He drifted off, eyes tearing up. “I have to, ugh, work full time to support myself so I dropped out.” He turned away, looking ashamed, but he had no reason to be. Not in Connor’s eyes.

Before he could stop himself, he reached out and pulled Evan’s head to his shoulder, his hand still rubbing his back as he whispered.

“I ran away from home.”

Evan’s body started to shake with soft sobs, gripping onto Connor’s jacket tightly. “I-I know-“

“Maybe you were right. Maybe we both need someone.”

* * *

 

Connor got the job.


	4. Hidden Passions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though their friends are well aware of their feelings, the two roommates are as oblivious to each other as ever. But what happens when someone else takes an interest in Evan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Guess who's back, back again  
> Guess who's back--*  
> Yeah, so, sorry for such a late update. I'll talk more about it at the end of the fic but please let me know what you think of the chapter!

Evan rarely moved when asleep, sans his slow chest and his head, nuzzling into Connor’s side, the taller boy’s arm wrapped around to pull him close with his face flushed a deep red, giving any cherry a run for its money.

On the other side of the couch was none other than Jared fucking Kleinman, the biggest shit eating grin on his face as he turned and just observed the two, completely forgoing the movie. He would have already taken a million pictures of the situation if Connor wasn’t within grabbing distance of a small cactus that Jared had no doubt would be thrown into his face.

Connor tried his best to ignore his speeding heartbeat, the warmth of Evan’s body, how soft his hair felt against his cheek, but he saw Jared do a rather dramatic gesture, of something he was definitely _not_ thinking about, and he started to sputter wildly.

Shaking his head, Jared finally whispered, “So, uh, you ever gonna tell him or-?”

“No, Jared! I’m not gonna fucking tell him!” Connor turned away and leaned into the couch, trying to ignore Jared as his breathing evened out. Jared’s grin widened.

When he woke up he was on the couch with a blanket covering him. Alone.

* * *

 

“So it’s almost a year since you guys met?” Alana sat across from him at the small picnic table, a gentle breeze passing by.

“In one month, yeah.” Connor took a sip of apple cider, nodding, his hair pulled back in a bun while he was at work. Alana had been coming by to chat with him on his breaks ever since he had gotten the job at the orchard, something he had found himself looking forward to nowadays.

“Do you… do you ever think you’ll tell him how you feel?” She asked slowly, seemingly afraid he would just stand up and leave if she brought it up again. Which he had done before.

Connor sighed.

“I don’t know. I mean, I know how I feel but unless I come outright and tell him Evan will probably never know. Besides, he doesn’t like me that way…” Gazing into the distance, he leaned on his hand as he thought about Evan. The most oblivious fucker on the planet.

“Connor!” The two both jerked to the side, a familiar figure with a wide smile trotting toward them while grasping a bag of apples, one of Connor’s coworkers, a shorter guy who leads the tours, directing him in their direction.

The man in question perked up like an actual dog. Alana shook her head.

“What are you doing here?”

Evan gestured to the bag, waving it around. “You’ve been talking about teaching me to make apple pie for months now. So…” He trails off, the Gala Apples directing their attention to his meaning.

“But aren’t you working late for the whole week? I didn’t expect to see you until next Friday.” He cocked his head to the side as Evan sat down across from him at the table, Alana scooting over to make room.

“I took a couple days off so we could hang out. And also bake.” He touched his hand to his chin. “Which I-I guess could also be classified as hanging out so I don’t know why I– “

Connor chuckled, shaking his head at his roommate’s rambling, ready to calm him with an endearing comment about his anxiety when a voice spoke out of nowhere.

“You’re pretty cute when you ramble, Evan.”

Fucking Mike.

The short, tour leading, apple picking, bright smiling, probably not depressed man who had lead Evan right to them. Did they spend the entire walk flirting? Connor had no doubt that Mike had. Alana and he both looked expectantly at Evan waiting for his reaction, his ears burning bright red as he laughed awkwardly, glancing back at Mike.

“Oh, uh, thank you Mike, but you don’t have to –“ Mike groaned.

“You have got to stop berating yourself anytime I compliment you!” He spoke brightly.

Connor knew it. Standing up swiftly, fists clenched by his side, he hid his face as he turned around, not wanting to let them see his fallen face or the rage pushing through. “I need to get back to work.”

Alana started, reaching out to him. “But didn’t you just—"

He pulled his arm away forcefully, stomping away toward the trees, the three staring after him with very different expressions.

Evan began to stand but Alana pulled him back down, shaking her head gently.

* * *

 

The door slammed behind Connor, a small crash sounding as some miscellaneous plant sitting on the windowsill by the door fell to the ground, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Running to his room, he threw his bag roughly on the ground and collapsed onto his bed.

Stupid Mike and his stupid flirting making Evan stupid face turn that stupid shade of red! He knew he had no right to be upset that someone was flirting with his roommate… but that didn’t mean he wasn’t.

He desperately _wished_ he could make Evan react that way, make his gaze shirk away as Connor showered him with affection. He wished he could cup his face right in front of _Mike_ and shove their lips together, running his fingers through his hair as he backed him up against a tree. His lips would travel down his cheeks and neck as he roughly—

No not rough.

Connor wanted everything to be slow and sweet, wanted to remember every single moment, every touch, every kiss. He didn’t want anyone there but the two of them in actuality. He wanted them to ease each other into it until he was raising Evan’s shirt up, gently asking permission before continuing. His hands would push against his skin and pull him closer until they could never be separated.

His back arched on the bed at the thought, his hand already gripping himself inside his jeans. He pumped himself slowly as he imagined Evan leaving a trail of kisses down his chest, intertwining their hands together, thumb sliding over his tip. Would he leave hickies down his chest or touch his lips softly against his skin? Would he be frantic to reach underneath his pants or run his fingers through his hair? The thought of Evan stroking his hand through his hair while palming him through his jeans had Connor whining out, hair sticking to his forehead as his imagination became more vivid. Just to touch his lips to Evan’s once would satisfy him too. He didn’t need to have anything else, just one kiss. He’d be happy, he told himself.

He winced as his grip tightened, moving faster as he thrusted his hips up into his hand. “Ngh, Evan.” He could practically see the flush on his cheeks and swollen lips, something he would have caused. He was so lost in his fantasy he didn’t hear the knock on his door, stopping as soon as his friend’s name slipped past his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having a tough few months which has caused my motivation for writing to fall down the drain. But I keep getting comments. I got a new one which made me go read all of the ones on this fic so far and all I can say is thank you. Seeing all of your lovely comments from people who comment on every chapter to just once really inspired me to continue.
> 
> I've spent hours writing today and I AM going to finish this fanfiction, no matter how much pushing through I have to do. Relistened to the soundtrack while writing to get in the mood which I think helped!
> 
> Also, I would like to formally apologize for killing off Heidi. ^^'
> 
> (Description of the end of the chapter, By Bo Burnham. "I have not made my mind up about... masturbation. Because on the one hand it feels good...")


	5. A Little Push

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have been different between the two roommates lately and if they aren't going to work it out they're going to need a little push from a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Look whose got plot development! I really like this chapter so let me know what you think and where you think the story is headed from here!

Jared stared at his friends suspiciously.

He liked to think that he knew Evan pretty well. It wasn’t that difficult to keep track of how he acted around everyone so even the slightest difference in his normal actions or attitude were noted by Jared. Like how he became more focused at the mere mention of trees or how he often picked at his nails when Jared tried to pry about literally anything. And boy had Jared noticed a lot the past month.

Their movie nights had become a weekly ordeal, usually having the same argument with Connor about caramel corn and Evan falling asleep on the taller man halfway through every single time.

But that hadn’t been happening.

He probably wouldn’t have noticed the caramel corn argument dying out as he was right that it obviously was a candy and Connor can get over that he doesn’t think it’s a candy because it’s not packaged or as sweet as candy should be or even tasty! Who did he think he was?

The real kicker had been Evan had started trying his best to avoid Connor during them. He would wait for the other two to get situated and push his way between the armrest and Jared, confusing the other two the first time he had done this. He knew for a fact that they always sat close together because Evan falls asleep in movies 99% of the time and it was the best excuse to get closer to each other.

At first, he just shrugged it off. Maybe they had had a fight or Connor hadn’t been showering or something. But when it kept happening it was impossible to avoid the hurt in the taller man’s eyes, his hair falling in his face to avoid showing his emotions to the others. He wouldn’t focus on the movies anymore, choosing instead to pick at the holes in his jeans or paint over his nails for the _entire_ film. Jared wasn’t entirely convinced he wasn’t trying to get high off of the smell.

Evan had even been staying awake during every movie, his eyes lingering on one spot on the wall, refusing to look at the other two. He could practically see his anxiety radiating off him. Jared wondered if he had been sleeping at all lately.

When the _Batman_ movie had finally ended, Jared’s pick of course, Connor had forcefully pushed himself up from the couch and walked to his room as fast as he could that could still be called walking and not sprinting, muttering a “later” to them.

Not having looked up at all during this time, Evan began muttering under his breath about how it was a great time and he should probably be going to bed too.

Not on Jared’s watch.

He snatched up Evan’s arm and pulled, yanking him to the kitchen while ignoring the confused yelps from the boy.

“What-?”

“Ssh!”

“But Ja- “

“Sshhhhh!” He waived his arms wildly, Evan backing up into the counter as his eyes widened. “Just…” He motioned his finger in front of his mouth in the universal sign of _shut the fuck up._

“What is up with you man? Don’t answer that!” He reminded him as he started to open his mouth, eyebrows furrowing in frustration.  “You have basically been ignoring Murphy for the last month for no reason at all! And y’know what? I don’t care if there is a reason or what it is. It. Is. Hurting. Him.”

Evan blinked. “Huh?”

He scoffed. “C’mon man! You two used to be practically inseparable and now you won’t even look at him! He hasn’t smiled in weeks.” Jared groaned, throwing his hands up as he turned away from the oblivious man in front of him, eventually rubbing at his eyes beneath his glasses.

“Jared?”

“God, I hate caring about people.” Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself and grabbed onto his shoulders gently. “Whatever happened, talk it out. It’s hurting both of you and you need to get that shit together. He cares about you more than you think so get your feelings sorted out.”

But Evan did know how Connor felt about him. That’s what he was afraid of.

* * *

 

The flowery blue apron really made Evan feel the part of the master chef he was aspiring to be that night, the flour dusting it giving him a real housewife feel.

Connor’s cookbooks were scattered around the kitchen, a combination of used pans and messy cutting boards as he settled the finished steak dish on the dining table, breathing deep as he went to collapse on the couch for the time being to wait for his roommate to get home from work.

He had a hard time believing that Connor would like him, at least as much as he liked him, but he had really thought about what Jared had said. And if he was being honest with himself, which he rarely was, he would rather lay everything on the line and have Connor reject him than keep ignoring him in fear of anything changing.

Heidi would be so proud of him.

The knob jangling knocked him out of his thoughts, gulping as he stood, hands behind his back as he fidgeted. Connor was halfway through the living room before he noticed him standing there and the smell of… burnt meat?

His eyes darted between the kitchen and Evan, heart and mind racing as he tried to put the pieces together.

His chest rose quickly as his bag fell by his side, his voice sounding broken when he finally spoke. “You’re k-kicking me out?”

“What?”

Running his hands through his hair, Connor turned away and moved to lean his head against their cool front door, counting slowly as he tried to even out his breathing. Evan could barely hear him starting to mutter speedily, starting to slump against the door.

“That’s why you’ve been so weird lately… It makes sense, I guess. I knew you’d want to get rid of me sooner or later but I guess I just hoped-“

Evan grabbed on to his arms gently, his voice soft as he tried not to startle him. “Connor? Please turn around.”

Connor shook his head. “Don’t make this worse.”

His forehead leant against his back, matching their breathing together.

“If you want me gone I’ll-“

“I like you!”

He stopped, Evan’s face scrunched up in fear of what response he might receive. After a few moments, Connor responded shakily.

“What?”

Evan let out a sad laugh, messing with the hem of his apron. “I know I’ve been acting weirder than usual and I’m so sorry. It’s just…” He sighed, pushing back from leaning on the other man. “About a month ago, I came home early and I… heard you.” He bit his lip, face burning as Connor turned around to finally face him.

It took Connor exactly three seconds to realize what he was talking about. Reaching out, he grabbed Evan’s reddening cheeks and pulled his face up to him. Evan started to lean in as their eyes drifted across each other’s faces.

Connor smacked his arm.

Yelping, he jumped back, eyeing him warily before he was pulled into his chest, Connor nuzzling into his hair.

“You scared me.”

In lieu of apologizing again he wrapped his arms around him tight and hoped he would never have to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personal Note: Hey so I'm having some financial trouble and I was wondering if I offered fanfictions or requests in exchange if anyone would be willing to help if I posted my PayPal?  
> Don't feel obligated or anything, I'll probably delete this note later, but I just wanted to see. (I completely understand if you ignore this message. Just wanted to throw it out there for the time being)
> 
> Please let me know what you think of the story! I'm really happy with where it's headed!
> 
> Update: Comission Info in my profile.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr is punkphantomtwin <3


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